Salt Lake Witty ....

Hello Folks,

I decided to turn the tables on the fly ash colored, feathered, fowl by following it yesterday.  I picked it up outside the Moab Brewery early in the AM – it was flying erratically – running into telephone poles and wires – obviously it had a hard night at the Brewery – probably drinking Black Raven Oatmeal Stout.

When it realized I was very close to catching it – it headed north.  I followed it up 191, to 70 and then we were headed north through Price – on to Provo (do NOT get me started on Marie Osmond) and then into Salt Lake City.  I lost it – literally – just outside Pat’s BBQ – distracted as I was by the promise of slow smoked southern BBQ - not open on Sundays – damn! But over in the dumpster, I picked it up again - you know who was chowing down on yesterdays BBQ leftovers.

OK – I wandered over to the Patagonia Outlet store – and lo and behold – they were having their annual President’s Day sale – 40% off the lowest sticker price – mighty fine – mighty fine!! After that I hit Barnes & Noble plus Central Book Exchange to get caught up on the printed word – and the words were good!

Then on to the airport where I knew the raven crow beast would be hanging out – sure enough on runway 17/35 the crazy SOB was taxiing for a takeoff – nothing I could but watch the charcoal menace lift off and head south back to Moab – no doubt for happy hour.

OK – then it dawned on me it was Chinese New Year and St. Valentine’s Day – all on one day.  Which makes sense because all of the St. Valentine ’s Day ‘stuff’ in Wal Mart was made in China to begin with – finally the convergence we’ve all been waiting for.  And folks, I don’t know about you, but there is something extremely romantic about melamine.

As I headed back to the HQ (Moab Brewery), I was thinking about how Utah has been front and center in the news lately – big stories – for instance ....

1)  1) LeRoy Nash – the oldest death row inmate in the US – died at 94.  He was born in Utah and had been in prison since the age of 15 – you know, some folks just find their calling early. At the time of Nash's death, state prosecutors were appealing a federal appeals court ruling to the U.S. Supreme Court that concluded he might not be competent – and I know how they feel.  Just because he had dementia, was deaf, was blind, had had a series of heart attacks, and was in a wheel chair – come on.  I am sure the money spent on the prep for the appeal and the appeal process itself could not have been put to better use ... I wonder how much LeRoy’s occupancy cost over the years .... BUT I really wonder how much they spent trying to execute him ....

2)  2) Fred Morrison – the inventor of the Frisbee – died at 90.  He was from Monroe, Utah.  The Frisbee was originally called the Pluto Platter – but now that Pluto has been stripped of planetary status – it’s a good thing they changed the name.  Dogs, including Pluto, everywhere are in mourning - in fact in tribute to Mr. Morrison, dogs are running wild everywhere with Frisbees in their mouths, begging for somebody, anybody, to toss it so they can run after it like mad bastards and try to catch it while it is still 20 feet in the air ... smashing into the elderly, the infirm – basically the people that the prosecutor’s of LeRoy are trying to kill ...

3)  

3$ 3) $700 Million Dollar Shortfall – Utah has an education budget issue and the local politicians have suggested that Grade 12 be eliminated or made optional.  I think ‘something’ should be eliminated, or made optional, folks – I’ll let you figure out who and whom. The notion quickly gained some traction among those leaning to the right who agreed with the assessment that many high school seniors frittered away their final year of high school.  Hell – the geniuses suggesting this obviously frittered away more than their senior year. That’s right folks – you get educated and all of a sudden you can balance a budget, start thinking that stem cell research actually might be a benefit to health science, that the earth is older than 6000 years, and that global warming is real - pretty soon they will eliminate education altogether - welcome to the Dark Ages, the sequel. You know that money they spent trying to kill LeRoy – they could use it right here ... I'll let you decide for what ...

4   4) Power Storage - a Utah company plans to dig a series of underground caverns that it hopes to one day fill with compressed air, releasing it to generate electricity by turning a turbine and solving one of the most vexing problems facing the clean-energy industry – how to store power. Folks – anyone who has eaten chili understands this concept.  So my idea is to store politicians, or anybody trying to kill LeRoy, in the caves – the amount of hot air and gas generated will be enough to turn the largest turbine and would be flammable enough to burn or explode – I am leaning towards exploding – with obvious energy and political side benefits.

Oh yeah – the Sports Illustrated 2010 Swimsuit Issue – check this out – if Brooklyn Decker appeared on the cover smoking a cigarette – would she still be as attractive – you decide ... let's see - bikini falling off, no cigarette; clothes on, cigarette .. I need a smoke break to figure this out ...

Oh – I’ve just caught sight of the raven crow beast .... flying away with the Swim Suit issue  .... 

you heartless BBBBBAAAASSSSSTTTTAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!

More later,

Phil

PS - I have no idea what goes on with the text fonts when I post - obviously something is happening .... it's even more obvious I don't what is going on ... or how to fix it ...